19 March 2006

Myspace & Marriage

I should be in bed, trying to get in a good handful of hours of sleep. Whenever I have the apartment to myself, I feel as though I should take advantage of this time wisely. Typically, I do not. Heh. I end up smoking too many cigarettes in lieu of kisses, doing pointless searches online and on myspace.com for old friends, and sitting in contemplation. It’s edging towards one in the morning, and here I am. Cigarette in mouth. At least I am listening to the music I can dive into and swim a little while in. I dug up a burnt cd full of songs, and found some Dale Watson. His album, “Every Song I Write For You” is truly a beautiful and sad album. I recently discovered that this album is entirely written for his ex-girlfriend, who died in a car accident. All the things that he wanted to say to her when she was alive. You can hear it, there’s honesty in every song. Down with that glossy, new country I say! Listen to him and understand that new country can sound old…and good.

It seems these days, the institution of marriage is being cheapened. I wonder why, sometimes, this offends me so. I’m fairly open-minded and I understand love can take many forms. I believe in love at first sight and support long distance relationships - I know they can work due to my own experiences and I am completely happy. Now, I may sound like the mothering type here but what’s with the rush of marriage these days? Whatever happened to slowly enjoying the process and stages of falling in love? Whatever happened to getting to know someone without hurry? Is it just a result of a disposable culture and the speed of things in general?

I have known -personally and not so personally - people who have jumped the gun and moved away afar just to marry some virtual stranger that they recently met off myspace. I should accept it, since it does not affect me directly or personally. But it seriously grates at me. This is coming from the rural female who met her significant other off one of the most cheesiest sites online - www.hotornot.com. However, in my defense, we met and communicated for a good year and change. We emailed as friends. We did our own things in that in-between time. And then one day, we struck up a marathon long IM session that connected us. We didn’t jump the gun though. We still kept it on the level of friends (even though feelings were becoming heated, for me at least) and met with no heavy expectations (I won’t lie, we were keeping fingers crossed). We wrote handwritten letters, we had our late night telephone conversations, and finally met months later. I fell into that smile and those arms and that was that - I was in love. And he, the naysayer of long distance relationships that spawn off the net - he fell in love too. We took our time. We visited each other many times. We made sure that this was real, we spent a good chunk of time together over the Christmas holidays rather than just a couple of days. We discovered a bit of each others habits and faults and negatives. We still loved each other. We made that decision. We’re still not married. We’re still enjoying the process.

I’m certain that in many of my protective friends eyes, it seemed as though I was jumping the gun and making a rash decision by moving away from my prairies homeland to his city. I did it, knowing that it could fall apart - even though I knew in my heart, that after all these months, he is worth it and this is it. This is it.

But I know from this experience, it isn’t exactly easy to pick up and leave. I think my first six months here was full of confusion, fear, and disorientation. Missing home brought a frown to my face for too many days and not knowing the language urged the loneliness further. But it became easier. The fear slowly goes away (yet arises at occasions), I am less disoriented, I am less confused. I am less alienated. It’s a process of change and I don’t think the changes that love brings is something you can jump steps on.

I shake my head when I hear of myspace marriages. Sometimes I shudder in disbelief. I think the sacredness of marriage is being completely cheapened, thanks to the internet. I know love is something you may just know, even if it makes no sense. However, to make the decision to change your life (and if you have a child, change his or hers) to move to be with someone should be seriously considered. Ease into it and enjoy the journey, if you will. I long to hear stories of becoming acquanted, those long wintery walks and long conversations of new lovers, feeling weak kneed and wishing that could last forever. And then the real stuff. The way they are when afflicted with PMS or how he releases his anger. The habits you come across. For good or bad. How personalities blend or repel. The simple chemistry. And oh boy, believe me - the chemistry will always be there in a long distance relationship. It’s not until visiting for an extended period of time or living with that person to truly see what they are honestly like.

I am saddened by women (and people, generally) who are now taking to myspace type places to fall in love. Why rush? You never know who you will really be marrying. Yeah, it’s all warm and fuzzy and powerfully sexually when you first meet someone - but do you even know if he excessively drinks or if she’s a golddigger? That part comes later. Months ago, I came across this person’s profile. Someone I dated once upon a time. A person that should come with a warning label to all women. Literally, the kind of guy your mother warned you about (too bad I didn’t listen to mine). A user, a self esteem destroyer, and a money sponger. Then, a few weeks later I saw that a woman moved across country to visit him and get married - that same weekend. I felt incredibly sad for her. Hoping that he has changed, sincerely…but scared for her. Another person back home, moved to across to marry someone after a couple of weeks of knowing each other on myspace. I wonder they found out yet that this person is constantly drinking and losing jobs? I know people who have done this and now feel stuck, with this person and in strange places. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against marriage nor am I bitter to be unmarried. I just think people should slow down.

Ease into love. Enjoy the moment. There’s no reason to rush, when it comes to love. If it’s meant to be, it’ll still be there. There’s your cliche of the day.

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