14 May 2006

At least I Amuse Myself

As I sit here tonight, my significant other is participating in a rock with his cock out event - the Yngwie Malmsteen show. It took me awhile to spell his name correctly. Saying it is another story. It comes out sounding like U-Wingie Mahhlmstream. No, he doesn't really like Wingie's sizzling guitar licks, fluffy pirate shirts and too-small leather pants. He simply received an invitation to go, from a friend who acquired a free ticket. I feel I must explain that.

It's a quiet evening. I no longer feel like I am falling apart. My body has been strange, my mind has been negatively occupied with tragic thoughts of missing home and the stress of stretched finances. I chalk it up to being female.

It's funny how your inner mood affects your physical state of being. My teeth no longer hurt, thanks to the magical touch of Dr. Willie (Heh, when Dr. Willie says "open wide", you can't help but chuckle). However, my body is reacting to stress in a few ways. My neck has been sore and stiff all week, sending a slow and dull ache down my arm. My earlobe with the flesh tunnel piercing became infected after having it for a good six or seven years. It wasn't a severe infection, which I am grateful for. Though the infection is on its way out, there is no way I can put my flesh tunnel back in my ear which disappoints me. Eventually, I will have to get it restretched to fit it back in properly because I honestly don't think it will budge if I do it on my own with no tools. I don't think it's very sterile to stretch it with one of my partner's drill bits.

Speaking of drills, I read a news article online that made me laugh and shake my head. Before I go into it, I remind you that I laugh at this man's sheer stupidity and not for the victim. Somewhere in Alberta, this man saw something on television and decided to try it out at home. He attached a toy brush or something along that lines onto his power drill. Then, he proceeded to turn the power drill on and brush his then girlfriend's hair...while she was sleeping. It ended up ripping chunks of her hair out and scalping the poor girl. He tried it out on himself before and it ripped out some of his hair, but something actually possessed this man to try it out one more time. On the head of his sleeping girlfriend. What a complete loser.

In other interesting Canadian online news, an American hunter shot and killed the world's only naturally crossbred Polar/Grizzly bear in the North West Territories. He did have a license to kill the Polar bear (even though due to global warming, they'll probably go extinct within 25 years) and didn't realize exactly what he shot until the poor creature was dead. Some people believe he should be charged for killing this Polargrizz, since the license what exclusively for the Polar type. Though bear sex (I feel strange saying the words "bear copulation" and the term "porking" is just not appropriate) between a Polar and Grizzly is apparently not so unusual in captivity, this is the first time one has been found in the wild. Now, it's dead. Rest in peace, Polargrizz. Or, as I like to title it, Grizzlar. Maybe that explains the Polar bear that's on the island on the hit television show "Lost".

Some of you are reading this and wondering, what difference do these news tidbits make in the Rural Female's daily life? The answer is simple, my friends. I would rather feel like a fact-filled nerd than severely unemployed. I'm filling myself up on wacky facts, newsbites, and programs about nature's own crime fighters - the insects at Tennessee's forensics "body farm". Lately, I'm like Cliffy Claven...sans moustache, avec boobs. Yeah, I'm probably annoying my partner but my sheer beauty makes up for it, haha.

Let me be annoying, I say! At least I now know laetrile from apricot pits can liberate cyanide if consumed. Now, I can sleep at night.


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