28 May 2006

Sighing on a Sunday Night

Ah, it's a warm Sunday night and I'm staying in. I should be doing something a little more productive. It seems that all I can do is space out while listening to music. At least, it is a little more productive than stewing in my own misery. Now that, my friends, is positive thinking!

I passed up another invitation to a free show, courtesy of my partner. I haven't seen his band in ages, outside of practise. It's guarenteed to be a great show, I'm certain. There's a fun band from Boston playing and there is an open bar from 9 to 11pm. Tonight is the last weekend night before the smoking ban comes into effect. The night sounds tempting and sounds like fun....for most people. Personally, I'd rather be enjoying myself on some sort of quiet street corner coffee shop's patio. Or terrace (pronounced terr-ASS here), as they say (and I refuse to call it) in Montreal.

The possibility of a free bar would be extremely appealing if I was into the fashion of excessive alcoholism. If I could guzzle tons of booze, I would. My body just can't hack it anymore, with the exception of gin. I can handle gin. It's the drink of summer, a bartender once told me. I once cradled a bottle of Beefeaters like a baby, and called her Ginny. I like gin.

Anyway, as I was saying. My body can't hack alcohol these days. Namely, beer. I am convinced that the reason for my stomach issues as of late has been because of beer. I'm not talking multiple beers like 5 or 13 bottles consumed. It's more like two bottles or, like last week, a half bottle - and I'm physically irritated for days. Believe me, it's not fun. And if I become sensitive to gin, I will be a very bitter and violent female.

Which brings me up to tonight. Though the free booze is tempting, the side effects of an open bar will most likely be stuck with me for half the week. For all the wrong reasons, at that. I like to see shows and I like live music, but I just don't have it in me to go to one lately. I want to be social, don't get me wrong. I want to be charmingly chatty, but I honestly don't feel like doing it in a loud venue over a band. And I'm convinced I wouldn't care as much if I could be like the rest of them and drink like a fish. I simply can't. It's either be reasonably sober or drink and potentially have my blood sugar levels go wonky with the booze and the body heat - which means, you'll find me either blacked out on the floor or outside trying not to black out on the barroom floor. I know what I could possibly hear when I state that I feel lonely lately - I've been given opportunities to hang out and I certainly appreciate the offers and invitations. It's not that I do not wish to socialize - I would just rather do it in a better suited environment. That's all. I guess beggers can't be choosy, as they say. However, beggers like myself can choose to stay at home when they just know that a hot, sticky crowd of drunken people, loud music, and disgusting bar bathrooms will send them into a social and inner rage.

As I also mentioned, this is the last weekend that you can smoke in public places before the smoking ban comes into effect. I'm one of the few smokers who actually doesn't mind this idea. The city I am from banned smoking quite some time ago so I feel somewhat used to it. It only annoys me when I am at a coffee shop - I like having a cigarette then. Otherwise, I don't really care. It's only an annoying inconvenience when you are out a bar and have to go outside to smoke. But really, that's all it is. An annoying inconvenience. They say Montrealers will never go for this idea and so on and so forth. Well, this is what I have to say - get over it and suck it up. Hell, if Ireland can do it - Quebec can too.

The first thing I enjoyed about the smoking ban back home was coming home from a bar or show and not having to take a shower to rid myself of smelling like a big old ashtray.

The second thing I enjoyed was that I could go to the Albert or other scummy clubs back home and there would be a huge lack of scuzzy clientele. The ban cleaned up the crowd. I don't know if that will make any difference here, mind you. There seems to be a different kind of scuzzy crowd in Montreal. Who knows, maybe they will still continue to go out in their best sweatsuits and get loaded at the local tavern down my street despite the ban.

The third and most favourite thing I enjoyed about the ban would be the money I saved. Of course, cigarettes are much more expensive back home than here. However, you smoked less in public and I didn't smoke at home. A pack of cigarettes would last me a very long time to the point of questioning myself to why I am even smoking in the first place.

Anyway, I don't mind the ban. It would be nice to come home smelling pretty for once even though it wouldn't make any difference because I smoke at home. It's something I seriously want to quit. I should be thinking about all the health factors but I think about the money issue. I get a perverse thrill out of saving money and I haven't doing that much lately. I'm going to be one of those eccentic old people who saves a dime or two by de-plying toilet paper, haha.

I've been listening to The Killjoys tonight (from Canada). Good stuff, I miss that band. I remember seeing them a long time ago, at the Pyramid. There's something about that band that just brings me back to another time. A good time. The music doesn't necessarily remind me of a particular person or moment. It just reminds me of that certain time.

The best I can say it is this:
Sometimes music is just music. It's simply there; in the background and often pushed aside. Yet, every now and then, a certain song or band comes along that just strikes a chord within you. It has that personal magic to it that makes you feel. It has that power to take you back to a certain time in your life years later. And sometimes, that certain time can be years ago when life wasn't that great but still you had this amazing music to make you smile or dance or sing along to.

And that is how The Killjoys make me feel. They just bring me back to a certain and personal time.

Now, I am singing along to classic crooner songs.

I wish I had the balls to sing well. Heh, and the talent - that would help too. I wish I could have one of those un-girly singing voices. I'm not talking scratchy like Joplin either. Just one of those smooth, deep, smoky voices that great women singers of yesteryear have. Everything would be in black and white and cigarette smoke would seductively swirl around me and I would make all the gentlemen in the audience swoon and the dirty faced kid outside selling the newspapers would delightfully say, "Gee, that was swell!".

Sigh.

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