10 June 2006

Thoughts Inspired By Hairspray Metal - Part Two

Recently, I watched the documentary called Metal:A Headbanger's Journey. It was a gooder. I wanted it to be a little more in depth but I believe the goal of the filmmaker was to analyze the people behind it, rather than the music itself. People; being the fans and the musicians. It made me miss all those shows of the past I could have gone to or was just too young to attend. I'll take a pass on burning churches in Norway, though.

Whenever I need a pick me up, I listen to Danny Duke's series of metal discs he gave me. This compilation makes me extremely happy and helps me forget whatever is bothering me. If I had me some balls, I would put them to the wall. However, I am very grateful that I am not able to do that. I'll accept that fact.

Today is another rainy and gloomy day. I should be doing something more productive such as the intimidating sink that is full of dishes. Ah, but that's no fun! Instead, I have been scribbling away at writing that probably amounts to nothing. The way I see it, as long as I am doing something - it counts, whether it be "good" or something else.

Before I left my manager position at the music shop, I met Steven Tyler. No, he didn't tell me to walk this way but the dude kinda looked like a lady. Actually, I felt a little more manly built than him. I swear, his thighs are the size of my wrists. That didn't mean I didn't giggle at his rockstar flirtations. There was a rumour that the band was in our small and empty mall and because there was nothing else to do in the store, I took a peek. Low and behold, there he was - lips and all! I stood there and he approached me. I felt like a gigantic Amazon women standing next to him. He touched my bangs and said he liked them, in a smooth voice only a famous and slightly sleazy person could have. He asked if I sold dirty movies and I giggled! I giggled! I could only think in my head, what the hell am I doing?! I almost disgusted myself with my ultra girly reply - "Heehee, unfortunately we don't!". What the fack?! Where did this come from?! He came into the store to browse with his bandmates and before long, the store was crowded with mall employees and shoppers. He ended up buying an Evil Dead special edition DVD and his bandmate seemed irked that we didn't take American Express gold cards. My boss happened to stop by that afternoon and the look on her face was priceless. At first, it was of disbelief at the store being so busy on a non-holiday and then she saw Steven Tyler. Her jaw dropped. We took a photo of the three of us and Steven left by giving us both a kiss on the cheek. By the way, his mouth looks a lot smaller in real life. Generally speaking, overall he looks rather botoxerific.

With a rebel yell, I wanted more - more - more celebrities coming into my store. It's interesting having relatively famous people shop in your store even though you kind of feel like a loser with a minimum wage job serving a celebrity. I can't brag about any other moments other than selling lipliner to Bif Naked and being barked at by Burton Cummings over bubble bath. And meeting Billy Talent and being flirted on by their bassist doesn't really count. By the end of the day, it's just smoke on the water. Heh. Insert song reference here.


One of the best musicians spoken with in that documentary was Ronnie James Dio. Though he looks like he should be cast in Lord of the Rings and should actually live in some sort of gothic toadstool, he was witty and personable. Holy diver! Ride that tiger! Oh man, I just feel like getting our my dark sword, cape, and tights. Not like I own any. *eyes get shifty* How many bands these days can actually get away with singing "Ride that tiger"?

In other news, Axl Rose and Tommy Hilfiger got into a bit of brawl recently. Sounds like some sort of Saturday Night Live sketch of years ago, but it's true. Apparently, Axl moved Tommy's girlfriend's drink in order not to spill it. Tommy kept slapping Axl on the arm. Later in the night, Axl sang "You're Crazy" and dedicated it to his good friend Tommy. Looks like Axl dinking Tommy's brother's ex wife so it's personal. This behaviour seems a little odd for men in their mid 40's and 50's. If I was dating either of them, I wouldn't be impressed although I would bet on Axl to kick his ass all the way to Paradise City.

Another thing I love about old metal songs is that a simple set of lyrics can be made into this operatic mission of message. All it takes is a powerful and/or high voice, a little tight pants running around on stage, and a few snappy guitar solos. When I hear Run to the Hills, I really want to run for my life. For all the right reasons. And generally speaking, there were a lot of really positive lyrics. You may just see all the leather and skin tight pants and poufy hair, but you got another thing coming - there are some go-for-the-goal lyrics to be had. According to Judas Priest, in this world we are living in - we have our share of sorrow. The answer now is to not give in and aim for that new tomorrow! Of course, saying that, there are a lot of dark lyrics too. Perhaps Metallica should rethink their attitude about yesterday being as though it never existed (James was probably too drunk to remember, anyhow) and aim for that new tomorrow. I wonder if their personal band therapist suggested that? How about a little anger release by barking at the moon?

Sometimes I miss Poison. Yes, I admit that.

It's not like they were my favourite band and I haven't even seen them in concert. It's just fun music. How can you not smile when you hear Talk Dirty To Me? I don't think there will be another time in music where you will have a surge of bubblegum metal bands who are popular. I'm sure they are still out there...but it's not the same. Sigh. It simply brings me back to a time when I was all pure and innocent and was extremely excited about seeing a big concert. Back then, all I wanted was a banger boyfriend with long hair and tight pants - haha - who would talk dirty to me (thinking back, I'm sure it would have scared me a bit...being fourteen and all). I guess I did have a headbanger boyfriend when I was fifteen. His name was Rob and my parents banned me from seeing him. He had tons of bikini-ed chick posters in his room like wallpaper and one Glenn Danzig poster(I'm sure Glenn could fill a bikini top better than I can, with his pectoral muscles). Rob also wore neon pink shorts. That's the part of my metal youth I don't miss. He was kind of inconsiderate, thinking back on it now, to me but in the end I broke up with him. He cried. As Ratt wisely said, what goes around comes around.

I wish I could get truly excited about seeing a band again, like I did when I was a teenager. I want to rock, ROCK! There was a certain thrill about seeing a show at the old arena and to do that walk-around during intermission at a rock show. To this day, the smell of newly printed band shirts make me feel like I am fourteen again. Years ago, LA Guns put on a show at the Zoo and I had that amazing inner enthusiasm to let loose and rock out. Sadly, at that concert I discovered that Phil Lewis was no longer singing with them that tour. They had some ultra buff, pierced up dude singing with them and it wasn't the same. I went away disappointed. I want to go to a show that makes me feel like a kid again. Oddly enough, seeing Tom Jones made me feel like that. It wasn't so much the music but the vibe around me (perhaps because I was one of the youngest people there too, haha). I have never been to a show where so many people smiled and laughed. The entire room radiated positivity. It was certainly a nice atmosphere. No sighting of Tom Jones that day at the music store - le sigh - but the merch-men chatted me up.

No worries, one day I'll be excited to see a band again. Sometimes you gotta roll with the punches to get to what's real. And sometimes, you might as well jump.

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